Before my memory of this trip fades further, I should probably document this down...
I went for my FIRST overseas leisure trip with friends last year! (yes I sound pathetic) 3D2N stay in Lotus Desaru Beach Resort in Johor Bahru, Malaysia
We had recently started to buy cheap online deals (Food, Accessories, etc), and we discovered this offer.
- Cheap? 53% off! Hell yeah!
- Near? It's just in Johor!
- Currency? SGD to RM = x2.5!
Ok... without further ado... story time!
- Day 0 -
YF tried to contact her colleague's mum's friend whom is a Taxi driver working in Johor Bahru.
We booked him for our 2nd day and he agreed to be our driver at dirt cheap rate ^_^b
- Conversation between Johor Taxi Uncle and YF -
Uncle: Ok I'll be your tour guide for the day, but how are you coming?
YF: What do you mean how are we coming?
Uncle: You're coming by Ferry right?
YF: Ya, Ferry
Uncle: The Ferry broke down, how are you coming?
YF: HUH?! The Ferry broke down?! The tour agency never told us!
Uncle: Ya you better check
YF: Nevermind la, maybe they have another Ferry to take us here
Uncle: No! They only have ONE Ferry, and it broke down. So how are you coming?
YF: !!!
So YF called up the Tour Agency
- Conversation between Tour Agency and YF -
YF: Did your Ferry Breakdown?
Agent: *nonchalantly* Yaaaa
YF: WHY YOU NEVER TELL US? HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE?
Agent: *bochup* Don't worry
YF: HOW CAN DON'T WORRY? IF I DON'T CALL YOU TO CONFIRM I WON'T KNOW LOR! SO HOW?
Agent: *doesn't give a damn* Let me check and get back to you
In summary, our Ferry would be replaced with a Bus. AND we had to reach the ferry terminal 30min earlier than the previously agreed 8am, as the Bus will take a longer journey.
YF: Did your Ferry Breakdown?
Agent: *nonchalantly* Yaaaa
YF: WHY YOU NEVER TELL US? HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE?
Agent: *bochup* Don't worry
YF: HOW CAN DON'T WORRY? IF I DON'T CALL YOU TO CONFIRM I WON'T KNOW LOR! SO HOW?
Agent: *doesn't give a damn* Let me check and get back to you
In summary, our Ferry would be replaced with a Bus. AND we had to reach the ferry terminal 30min earlier than the previously agreed 8am, as the Bus will take a longer journey.
- Day 1 -
I suggested to meet at Bedok MRT and have breakfast before Philip drove us down.
But the Hawker Centre happened to be closed for cleaning! Talk about bad timing huh D=
In a rush, we anyhow bought some 包s and ate on the go (literally peel eat throw while walking to the car)
These 3 jokers whom were on their modified Atkin's diet (no carbo no sugar), just ate the bun's meat fillings and threw away the skin. What a waste of food!
At the Ferry Terminal while we leisurely filled in our white cards, some other groups approached the counter and shouted "HOW COME FERRY BREAKDOWN NOBODY TELL US? BLAH BLAH BLAH HUH!!!"
But the Hawker Centre happened to be closed for cleaning! Talk about bad timing huh D=
In a rush, we anyhow bought some 包s and ate on the go (literally peel eat throw while walking to the car)
These 3 jokers whom were on their modified Atkin's diet (no carbo no sugar), just ate the bun's meat fillings and threw away the skin. What a waste of food!
At the Ferry Terminal while we leisurely filled in our white cards, some other groups approached the counter and shouted "HOW COME FERRY BREAKDOWN NOBODY TELL US? BLAH BLAH BLAH HUH!!!"
We sat back and enjoyed the free show =3=
8am... 8.10am... 8.15am... still no sight of the bus *_*
I walked over and asked the counter:
Me: Excuse me... the bus is supposed to reach at 8am, it's 15min late
Counter: Wait ah let me check
*makes phone call*
*aku saya blah blah blah*
Hello Sir, the bus broke down
Me: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Counter: The bus broke down
Me: Then how?
Counter: We are making arrangement for another bus to come. So sorry!
Are you kidding me? First the Ferry broke down and now the Bus too? t(-_-t)
Luckily for them, the other 20-30 people are outside @ the Carpark waiting patiently for the bus, and didn't hear that THE BUS BROKE DOWN. Otherwise there would definitely be a big commotion...
8.20am...
8.25am...
8.30am...
8.35am... Philip: I totally don't mind if this trip is cancelled. I can just go home and sleep!
8.40am... *A bus appears! However it stopped outside the gates of the carpark and didn't enter
8.45am...
8.50am... *Henry tulan liao
Me: Where is the replacement bus? Don't tell me that replacement bus broke down too!
Counter: Wait ah I check
*makes phone call*
Eh can you talk to the driver? This china uncle can only speak ChineseThe supposed PRC Bus driver uncle turned out to be a local uncle, whom is the one driving the bus parked at the gates! He's unsure whether to come in, so he's now just waiting for someone to tell him what to do...
WELL HELLO??
This place is a 鸟不生蛋的地方. It's further away than Changi Airport and so ulu.
There's only a handful of people in that empty carpark (yes, not even cars are parked here!). It's obvious you're supposed to pick us up ._.
After transferring to another bus at the old Woodlands Interchange, we finally arrived at Desaru after another bus ride
Lotus Desaru Beach Resort!
We got our key cards from the receptionist and went to our rooms.
However when we tapped the keycard at our door...
*Tap... blink blink blink blink blink blink... RED LIGHT - *Repeat this 10 times
- this carries on for 5 more minutes with all 4 cards -
*Tap tap tap... *blink with buzzing noise for 10seconds... RED LIGHT - *Repeat this 10 times
*Henry pek chek already, "Maybe someone's still inside our room haven't check out?"
I pressed the doorbell and even shouted HELLOO????? No replies from within our room...
*Tap... blink blink... *Green light! Finally the Door opens!
We explored our room and checked, there didn't seem to be anything wrong. Wonder why it was so hard to get in 0_0
KH and YF took the master bedroom with a Queen sized bed, while Philip and myself took the other room with 2 separate beds.
After we unpacked, YF told us to keep our valuables (wallets, passport, watches) in a Safe that only their room had.
It was then we realized the previous guest(s) for this room were so inconsiderate!
Ethically, when you leave you're supposed to leave it open so that the next guest can use it, but the previous guests had locked the Safe with their password!
So I called up the Front Desk and asked for...
We were really famished, but had no choice except to wait for the safe to be fixed
Someone came soon and he took 40min to fix it (calling back to their HQ in KL to ask how to do and stuff).
I kept watch over him in case he stole our stuff. Although he was in KH and YF's room, they couldn't be bothered and just nua outside at the living room watch TV zzz
While waiting, we booked appointment with the Resort's Spa via phone
We each booked a General Massage while YF booked some Nasal Drip thingy and a Face Massage
The Resort's Cafe was just down the road, a few minutes walk away
We looked at the price and realized everything here, including the mamashop, are at "tourist rates"
If we convert it from RM to SGD, it's around the same/slightly more expensive!
This seems to be a Rich Man's resort ._.
The buffet lunch was only so-so, and the food looked... relatively unhygienic.
There were plenty of houseflies and although the main dishes had covers, the guests were too lazy to close it up after they took their portions. The side table with the chap ba lang things was especially bad:
We had a flash of genius and tried our keycards at the neighbouring door, it instantly replied with a red light to reject us...
You start at the highest point of the park, and slide down water filled tunnels of fun!
SHIOK SIA!!!
While waiting for the "coconut" to fill, we played @ the mini slide beneath it and just stood around the many water sprinklers. Very cooling ^_^
We got SPLASHED a few times before we noticed that THERE'S WATER IN THE WATER TUNNELS NOW!
Walked barefoot to the starting point (ow ow ow the ground is so hot, even the grass is hot!).
I cheated by jumping into the one of the tunnels halfway to dip my feet and cool it down haha
We then played a few rounds of the water tunnel slides... LE FUN!
Philip suggested for us to get the water circles (游泳圈), coz it may help us float better through the tunnels.
The counter guy seemed so nice and friendly and was about to pass us 4 of them, until he told us only RM7 each zzz
To the beach for our free 1 hr of Kayaking!
I paired up with YF, and Philip with KH
We figured if KH's Yayak were to capsize, only Philip would be able to save KH. I wouldn't have the strength to do it LOL
We raced each other to various points then back to the shore when time was almost up...
Due to the weird sitting style in the kayak, my hips hurt like hell ._.
After Kayaking, they wanted to try Parasailing. Again, being a sua ku, I didn't know what it was
But sadly, according to them... the version in Desaru is... not fun
Due to their poorer gear/skill/technology, it is not possible you to solo fly in the air
They had to have one of their guys go along behind you to guide the direction you fly
Get ready to run!
Huh? Okok *_*
RUN!!
*takes 2 steps and... WOAH I'M FLYING!!!!
Throughout the flight, the ah neh knees me (literally) in the back and pulls very hard on the parachute to guide the direction
After what seemed like 2minutes...
Get ready to run!
Huh? *_*
I landed and took 2 steps before I collapsed and sat down on my butt
I believe I was supposed to run and "soften" the landing impact. But hey I've got someone on my back, how do I support 2 person's weight?
We took turns to fly except YF, and the sun started to set ):
We returned to our room for a quick shower to wash off the seawater and sand before going for our massage. It is then I realised something epic
OH EM EFF GEE!!!
I brought everything EXCEPT underwear?!?!?!
I even brought along chap pa lang stuff like bottle opener (in case we buy wine to drink), ear plugs and nail clippers, but NO UNDERWEAR?
I shall skip this topic and move on, coz that's not the saddest thingy yet ._.
We arrived just before the closing time, so we were the only customers left.
So... I went for my General Massage (60min for RM115++).
I was randomly chosen by an ah neh (everybody there was black), and was led into one of the rooms
Inside, he asked me to change into their massage attire (just a disposable underwear!)
Which, seriously, is redundant
It's 80% transparent! How is this supposed to help cover?
I locked my wallet in the provided Safe and walked to the main room
He sat me down on a chair and proceeded to start the "General Massage".
*Takes out an Aladdin lamp and starts pours some oil (coconut?) into my hair
He then proceeded to massage my hair. Yep, that's right. My hair, not my scalp
He ran his coarse palm and fingers through my hair like he was trying to scratch paint off a metal surface.
My head jerked in circular motions along with his "massage" and my neck was in agony.
Every few seconds, I felt strands (yes with a S) of my hair dropping out from his "massage".
When he felt that my hair is sufficiently well mixed, he poured more oil and repeated the process again. And again.
MY POOR HAIR + HEAD + NECK!
After the head torture, he made me lie down facing up on this wooden bed.
The bed smelt of a thousand sweaty construction workers / army boys
The surface was icky, and there were little gutters on the bed itself. I shuddered at the thought of what it's for (which, sadly I was right, for it came true in a minute)
He took another Aladdin lamp from dunno where and started to pour a huge amount of oil on me, as if marinating chicken in a pool of marinate. That's what the gutters are for, to catch the overflowing oil
He then started the body "massage" by applying the oil on me
Yes, still no massage yet
He applied the oil on me like how you would apply shower cream on yourself
Except now it's done by some stranger, and no force whatsoever to indicate he's massaging whilst applying.
He started with my left hand.
*Pours copious amount of oil on limb, apply. Repeat 2 times*
All he does it just run through the oil on me!
After running through my left hand for probably 117 times (no I'm not joking on the number), he proceeded on my other limbs, one by one then the body
After that, he turned me over and repeats the same on the other side. In case you're wondering, yes he does it to your inner thighs and crotch too
Though it was supposed to be 60minutes, the entire ordeal felt like hours. I kept telling myself...
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MASSAGE?
FUCK NO I DON'T CARE ANYMORE
I DON'T WANT THE MASSAGE ANYMORE
JUST LET THIS BE OVER SOON, PLEASE. PLEASE! PLEASE!!!
OH FUCK? HE TURNED ME OVER? IT'S NOT OVER YET? FUCK NO
OH FUCK FUCK FUCK DON'T TOUCH ME THERE
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When it was finally over, he smiled and pointed me to take a shower. They had a bathroom in the corner of the massage room. I could hear someone else (either Philip or KH) in the neighbouring room already starting to bathe
Man, you do not know how RELIEVED I am at the sight of the shower
It's like holding your shit and pee in for 3hrs and you finally see a toilet
The moment I stepped into the showers, my thoughts came running
That bathroom had proper Shower Cream, and the complimentary Shower Cream & Soap by the hotel too
See this bottle above? It was probably 3/4 or 4/5 full.
I used up EVERYTHING in it, including the complimentary little bottles of hotel shower foam
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BADLY I WANTED TO GET THAT OIL AND SMELL OFF ME
All that oil lathering and applying has left a thick layer of it on me, or rather IN ME
By the time I was done bathing, it was almost 8pm. That means I bathed for 45min-50min *_*
Bad news was, I still smell even after such a long shower with so much soap!
Everytime my hands come near my face, I can't help but take a whiff off my fingers. FUCK I STILL SMELL LIKE THEM!
They rejected (didn't say why), but instead offered their own transportation (now that's why) services instead which were at cut-throat prices
Seeing that we were going to get ripped off, we decided against going for the Firefly boat ride (le sad), and supposedly cheap seafood dinner (le lagi sad) that everyone clamours about in msia
We decided to try the Resort's seafood restaurant, coz... how bad can Resort food go?
Suspiciously, there was only ONE table occupied (Where did all the other guests go?)
Maybe we were the only idiots whom stayed, whilst everyone else headed out for their night activities and sumptuous dinner T_T
The sign outside stated RM28 nett without ++ for Steamboat Dinner Set. Sounded like a very good deal as our lunch already costed us around RM50++ each.
Morever I just paid RM120+ to get molested. I'm definitely going for a cheap meal to recoup my losses
BUT... DEI! The Dinner sucked so bad that I myself could probably do a much better job buying random chap pa lang steamboat ingredients at a supermarket
To top it off, they even tried to charge us ++ for the meal!
I tried clarifying with the waitress but she was like 0_0
So she got her Team Lead to come help settle, but the Team Lead said "I'm so sorry sir, its 28++"
I insisted the menu didn't state the ++. So she took one menu out from the stack and flipped...
*Ohh this 1 didn't write ++
*tries another 3 more, still doesn't write ++
*tries the 5th menu, here sir it states here 28++
What the hell? They think we're stupid or what
We told her that since the menu given to us didn't write ++, we're not going to pay for it. Simple
Poor girl didn't know what to do and called for her manager. He came and repeated their antics
Manager: "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: But we didn't see the ++ on the menu you gave us
Manager: "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: We will not be paying for it since we didn't see it
Manager: *brings us out of the restaurant to show us a poster about the steamboat, and points at the ++. "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: You say sorry also no use, we're not going to pay for it
Manager: "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: So how? What can you do about it?
Finally, he relented and reprinted the bill without the extra charges. We win! ^_^b
Man, one more time "We're so sorry sir" and I'll go find a table to flip
After that we came down the stairs, and we saw satay @ the Cafe!! It looked and smelt SO GEWD!!
We contemplated eating at the Cafe just for the satay for 2nd round. But their buffer dinner was RM70++
Too expensive for just few sticks of satay
We went to the Pub across the empty field and ordered drinks
I had red wine and pinched a few wedges off Philip's basket of wedges.
Halfway while eating, I sniffed my fingers... I smell the same! Not even fried potatoes and oil can get rid of the smell. FML
Returned to our Hotel Room to bathe properly and watched some TV and chatted.
YF turned in early while the 3 of us played Monopoly Deal to Techno music (hahaha!)
KH soon went to sleep too, so Philip and I watched TV about some guy miraculously surviving a helicopter crash, and what factors saved him.
Philip fell asleep at the Sofa, and I was thinking, should I be a bastard and leave him there to sleep for the night?
I washed up, locked all the doors, windows and balcony, off-ed all the electrical appliances, then woke Philip up to sleep at his bed instead.
Slept around 2am and got ABIT of much needed rest.
Why abit? Read on...
4.30am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min, presumably KH's ringtone/alarm tone
*Henry jumps up, looks at time... zzz still so early, goes back to sleep
4.35am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry looks at time, thinks "wah lau eh why KH snooze neh wake up yet"
4.40am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry tries to ignore
4.45am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry looks at Philip... still fast asleep. Is the music playing in my mind? I've never even heard this song before!
4.50am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry growls
4.55am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry RAWRS!!! Walked to the living room but didn't manage to find the Phone. Checked the dining counter and sofa and even the floors, nothing
This stupid ringtone continued to sound every 5min till 5.30am. Everytime it rings Philip and myself would curse n swear at KH
We both eventually woke up, watched some TV and ended up talking at the Balcony
KH woke up and waved good morning at us
Philip pointed angrily at KH: OI YOU! WTF YOU THINK YOU DOING COME COME COME!
We scolded him with a dead serious face, but he "innocently" looked at us and said both himself and YF didn't hear it. And the phone is in fact INSIDE a bag in the living room (that's why so loud).
Oh well, we shall have REVENGE! *evil plans*
We had our breakfast (using our coupons) at the Cafe, food sucks as usual. But there was Prata! So that saved the day =D
*Tap... blink blink... *Green light! Finally the Door opens!
We explored our room and checked, there didn't seem to be anything wrong. Wonder why it was so hard to get in 0_0
KH and YF took the master bedroom with a Queen sized bed, while Philip and myself took the other room with 2 separate beds.
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| The common/living room with kitchen counter |
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| KH and YF's room |
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| Me and Philip's room |
It was then we realized the previous guest(s) for this room were so inconsiderate!
Ethically, when you leave you're supposed to leave it open so that the next guest can use it, but the previous guests had locked the Safe with their password!
So I called up the Front Desk and asked for...
- Them to send someone up and fix the Safe.
- Extra towels and toiletries (my toilet didn't have!)
- Slippers!
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| Toiletries |
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| Slippers! Mine was half torn by the end of the day thou. My toenails broke through ._. |
Someone came soon and he took 40min to fix it (calling back to their HQ in KL to ask how to do and stuff).
I kept watch over him in case he stole our stuff. Although he was in KH and YF's room, they couldn't be bothered and just nua outside at the living room watch TV zzz
While waiting, we booked appointment with the Resort's Spa via phone
We each booked a General Massage while YF booked some Nasal Drip thingy and a Face Massage
- Lunch -
The Resort's Cafe was just down the road, a few minutes walk away
We looked at the price and realized everything here, including the mamashop, are at "tourist rates"
If we convert it from RM to SGD, it's around the same/slightly more expensive!
This seems to be a Rich Man's resort ._.
 |
| Swimming Pool right beside the Cafe |
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| Swimming Pool near the entrance of the Resort |
There were plenty of houseflies and although the main dishes had covers, the guests were too lazy to close it up after they took their portions. The side table with the chap ba lang things was especially bad:
- Coffee cups and meal plates looked stained
- Iced water tasted suspiciously like water from the swimming pool
- Cakes, deserts, bread, pastries and fruits were without covers, with houseflies all over them
Meanwhile back at our room, we encountered the door problem again!
WE CAN'T GET INTO OUR ROOM!!
WE CAN'T GET INTO OUR ROOM!!
We had a flash of genius and tried our keycards at the neighbouring door, it instantly replied with a red light to reject us...
WAH LAU EH! CONFIRM IS OUR ROOM GOT PROBLEM LIAO LOH!
Nvm, we'll settle that later...
We kept our wallets in the Safe, and wore the complimentary sticker wristlet. This will identify us as having paid to enter their swimming pools and famous attraction: The Water Theme Park!
- Water Theme Park -
You start at the highest point of the park, and slide down water filled tunnels of fun!
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| The starting point is at the right side |
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| The tunnel ends by flowing into a swimming pool at the end |
But when we reached, the tunnels were... D R Y ._.
Maybe it's decommissioned a long time, which explains why we were the only ones there *_*
Maybe it's decommissioned a long time, which explains why we were the only ones there *_*
Took off my top and slippers and jumped into the pool! The rest followed suit soon
We tried to teach KH how to swim in the medium pool, but he couldn't be bothered to learn
I saw a lifeguard walking past and asked how come the tunnels were dry? He told us that it will only start at 3.30pm (iirc)
Seeing that there was a good 30min before the tunnel worked, we decided to chill around the park
After exploring the park, it turned out there were only 4 things here:
- The tunnel slides
- The swimming pool at the end of the slides
- A mini playground with water sprinklers
- Coconut splashy thingy with water sprinklers
I LOVE THE COCONUT THINGY!!!
Ok this is the first time I've been to a water theme park, so I think I'm being suaku here... but this is so fun!
There's this HUGE "coconut" container high up, and water constantly fills it up.
Every ~5min, the "coconut" will be filled and would tilt over to unleash the water upon you
Get ready! Don't blink!
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| "Coconut" |
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| Le splash! |
While waiting for the "coconut" to fill, we played @ the mini slide beneath it and just stood around the many water sprinklers. Very cooling ^_^
We got SPLASHED a few times before we noticed that THERE'S WATER IN THE WATER TUNNELS NOW!
Walked barefoot to the starting point (ow ow ow the ground is so hot, even the grass is hot!).
I cheated by jumping into the one of the tunnels halfway to dip my feet and cool it down haha
We then played a few rounds of the water tunnel slides... LE FUN!
Philip suggested for us to get the water circles (游泳圈), coz it may help us float better through the tunnels.
The counter guy seemed so nice and friendly and was about to pass us 4 of them, until he told us only RM7 each zzz
- Kayak & Parasailing -
To the beach for our free 1 hr of Kayaking!
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| This was what we saw in the advertisements for Lotus Desaru Beach Resort! |
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| Another advertisement |
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| This is what you'll see... close enough :P |
We figured if KH's Yayak were to capsize, only Philip would be able to save KH. I wouldn't have the strength to do it LOL
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| Kayaking leisurely =3= |
Due to the weird sitting style in the kayak, my hips hurt like hell ._.
After Kayaking, they wanted to try Parasailing. Again, being a sua ku, I didn't know what it was
But sadly, according to them... the version in Desaru is... not fun
Due to their poorer gear/skill/technology, it is not possible you to solo fly in the air
They had to have one of their guys go along behind you to guide the direction you fly
Get ready to run!
Huh? Okok *_*
RUN!!
*takes 2 steps and... WOAH I'M FLYING!!!!
 |
| Ah neh giving you the flying knee kick behind you ._. |
After what seemed like 2minutes...
Get ready to run!
Huh? *_*
I landed and took 2 steps before I collapsed and sat down on my butt
I believe I was supposed to run and "soften" the landing impact. But hey I've got someone on my back, how do I support 2 person's weight?
We took turns to fly except YF, and the sun started to set ):
We returned to our room for a quick shower to wash off the seawater and sand before going for our massage. It is then I realised something epic
I FORGOT TO BRING MY UNDERWEAR
OH EM EFF GEE!!!
I brought everything EXCEPT underwear?!?!?!
I even brought along chap pa lang stuff like bottle opener (in case we buy wine to drink), ear plugs and nail clippers, but NO UNDERWEAR?
SIAO LIAO LAH!!!!!
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW?????
I shall skip this topic and move on, coz that's not the saddest thingy yet ._.
- Massage -
So... I went for my General Massage (60min for RM115++).
I was randomly chosen by an ah neh (everybody there was black), and was led into one of the rooms
Inside, he asked me to change into their massage attire (just a disposable underwear!)
Which, seriously, is redundant
It's 80% transparent! How is this supposed to help cover?
I locked my wallet in the provided Safe and walked to the main room
He sat me down on a chair and proceeded to start the "General Massage".
*Takes out an Aladdin lamp and starts pours some oil (coconut?) into my hair
He then proceeded to massage my hair. Yep, that's right. My hair, not my scalp
He ran his coarse palm and fingers through my hair like he was trying to scratch paint off a metal surface.
My head jerked in circular motions along with his "massage" and my neck was in agony.
Every few seconds, I felt strands (yes with a S) of my hair dropping out from his "massage".
When he felt that my hair is sufficiently well mixed, he poured more oil and repeated the process again. And again.
MY POOR HAIR + HEAD + NECK!
After the head torture, he made me lie down facing up on this wooden bed.
The bed smelt of a thousand sweaty construction workers / army boys
The surface was icky, and there were little gutters on the bed itself. I shuddered at the thought of what it's for (which, sadly I was right, for it came true in a minute)
He took another Aladdin lamp from dunno where and started to pour a huge amount of oil on me, as if marinating chicken in a pool of marinate. That's what the gutters are for, to catch the overflowing oil
 |
| In the process of emptying the entire lamp on poor Henry |
Yes, still no massage yet
He applied the oil on me like how you would apply shower cream on yourself
Except now it's done by some stranger, and no force whatsoever to indicate he's massaging whilst applying.
He started with my left hand.
*Pours copious amount of oil on limb, apply. Repeat 2 times*
All he does it just run through the oil on me!
After running through my left hand for probably 117 times (no I'm not joking on the number), he proceeded on my other limbs, one by one then the body
After that, he turned me over and repeats the same on the other side. In case you're wondering, yes he does it to your inner thighs and crotch too
Though it was supposed to be 60minutes, the entire ordeal felt like hours. I kept telling myself...
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MASSAGE?
FUCK NO I DON'T CARE ANYMORE
I DON'T WANT THE MASSAGE ANYMORE
JUST LET THIS BE OVER SOON, PLEASE. PLEASE! PLEASE!!!
OH FUCK? HE TURNED ME OVER? IT'S NOT OVER YET? FUCK NO
OH FUCK FUCK FUCK DON'T TOUCH ME THERE
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When it was finally over, he smiled and pointed me to take a shower. They had a bathroom in the corner of the massage room. I could hear someone else (either Philip or KH) in the neighbouring room already starting to bathe
Man, you do not know how RELIEVED I am at the sight of the shower
It's like holding your shit and pee in for 3hrs and you finally see a toilet
The moment I stepped into the showers, my thoughts came running
I FEEL SO VIOLATED AND MOLESTED!
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND HOW RAPE VICTIMS FEEL NOW
That bathroom had proper Shower Cream, and the complimentary Shower Cream & Soap by the hotel too
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I used up EVERYTHING in it, including the complimentary little bottles of hotel shower foam
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BADLY I WANTED TO GET THAT OIL AND SMELL OFF ME
All that oil lathering and applying has left a thick layer of it on me, or rather IN ME
By the time I was done bathing, it was almost 8pm. That means I bathed for 45min-50min *_*
Bad news was, I still smell even after such a long shower with so much soap!
Everytime my hands come near my face, I can't help but take a whiff off my fingers. FUCK I STILL SMELL LIKE THEM!
- Dinner -
Plan: Get a ride out and catch the Firefly boat ride!
We the Hotel Concierge to call a local taxi for usThey rejected (didn't say why), but instead offered their own transportation (now that's why) services instead which were at cut-throat prices
Seeing that we were going to get ripped off, we decided against going for the Firefly boat ride (le sad), and supposedly cheap seafood dinner (le lagi sad) that everyone clamours about in msia
We decided to try the Resort's seafood restaurant, coz... how bad can Resort food go?
Suspiciously, there was only ONE table occupied (Where did all the other guests go?)
Maybe we were the only idiots whom stayed, whilst everyone else headed out for their night activities and sumptuous dinner T_T
The sign outside stated RM28 nett without ++ for Steamboat Dinner Set. Sounded like a very good deal as our lunch already costed us around RM50++ each.
Morever I just paid RM120+ to get molested. I'm definitely going for a cheap meal to recoup my losses
BUT... DEI! The Dinner sucked so bad that I myself could probably do a much better job buying random chap pa lang steamboat ingredients at a supermarket
To top it off, they even tried to charge us ++ for the meal!
I tried clarifying with the waitress but she was like 0_0
So she got her Team Lead to come help settle, but the Team Lead said "I'm so sorry sir, its 28++"
I insisted the menu didn't state the ++. So she took one menu out from the stack and flipped...
*Ohh this 1 didn't write ++
*tries another 3 more, still doesn't write ++
*tries the 5th menu, here sir it states here 28++
What the hell? They think we're stupid or what
We told her that since the menu given to us didn't write ++, we're not going to pay for it. Simple
Poor girl didn't know what to do and called for her manager. He came and repeated their antics
Manager: "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: But we didn't see the ++ on the menu you gave us
Manager: "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: We will not be paying for it since we didn't see it
Manager: *brings us out of the restaurant to show us a poster about the steamboat, and points at the ++. "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: You say sorry also no use, we're not going to pay for it
Manager: "We're so sorry sir"
Henry: So how? What can you do about it?
Finally, he relented and reprinted the bill without the extra charges. We win! ^_^b
Man, one more time "We're so sorry sir" and I'll go find a table to flip
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| The empty field just in front of the Restaurant (L2) and Cafe (L1). After this will be the Cafe and Beach. |
We contemplated eating at the Cafe just for the satay for 2nd round. But their buffer dinner was RM70++
Too expensive for just few sticks of satay
We went to the Pub across the empty field and ordered drinks
I had red wine and pinched a few wedges off Philip's basket of wedges.
Halfway while eating, I sniffed my fingers... I smell the same! Not even fried potatoes and oil can get rid of the smell. FML
Returned to our Hotel Room to bathe properly and watched some TV and chatted.
YF turned in early while the 3 of us played Monopoly Deal to Techno music (hahaha!)
KH soon went to sleep too, so Philip and I watched TV about some guy miraculously surviving a helicopter crash, and what factors saved him.
I washed up, locked all the doors, windows and balcony, off-ed all the electrical appliances, then woke Philip up to sleep at his bed instead.
Slept around 2am and got ABIT of much needed rest.
Why abit? Read on...
- Day 2 -
4.30am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min, presumably KH's ringtone/alarm tone
*Henry jumps up, looks at time... zzz still so early, goes back to sleep
4.35am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry looks at time, thinks "wah lau eh why KH snooze neh wake up yet"
4.40am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry tries to ignore
4.45am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry looks at Philip... still fast asleep. Is the music playing in my mind? I've never even heard this song before!
4.50am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry growls
4.55am *Loud Korean techno music plays for 1min
*Henry RAWRS!!! Walked to the living room but didn't manage to find the Phone. Checked the dining counter and sofa and even the floors, nothing
This stupid ringtone continued to sound every 5min till 5.30am. Everytime it rings Philip and myself would curse n swear at KH
We both eventually woke up, watched some TV and ended up talking at the Balcony
KH woke up and waved good morning at us
Philip pointed angrily at KH: OI YOU! WTF YOU THINK YOU DOING COME COME COME!
We scolded him with a dead serious face, but he "innocently" looked at us and said both himself and YF didn't hear it. And the phone is in fact INSIDE a bag in the living room (that's why so loud).
Oh well, we shall have REVENGE! *evil plans*
We had our breakfast (using our coupons) at the Cafe, food sucks as usual. But there was Prata! So that saved the day =D
- Crocodile Farm -
Taxi uncle fetched us on time and off we went to our first stop! ^^
I expected the place to be extremely smelly (I went to the SG one when I was very young, it smelt so bad I breathed through my mouth the entire team for fear of vomiting).
Surprisingly, this farm wasn't smelly at all *_*
We walked around with a "tour guide" along with other visitors.
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| One buaya |
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| Many buaya |
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| Can you spot the buaya? |
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| Guide flirting with the visitors by aggravating the Crocs for fun. Poor Crocs getting poked everyday for stupid reason. |
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| Buayas which preferred to stay dry |
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| BIG buaya |
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| >100yrs old buaya! Bo geh already but still packs a punch off its toothless bite! (Guide demo by poking him) |
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| Buayas hidden in the water! Can you spot them? |
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| Poor buaya got his tail bitten off. Emo one corner T_T |
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| Ultimate fate of the buayas |
DEI!
- Why would I wanna pay (a marked up price) for the chickens you bought to feed them?
- And if the chicken is still alive, no I don't support animal cruelty! I will not pay to watch a predator eat a prey
Heck I already saw half eaten / un-touched chickens in some of the Croc's pens. I bet the money would be well wasted even if someone tried to feed them chickens
Also... Imagine eating the same "meal" (chicken), over n over again for 100years and more!
I wonder if crocs have a way of committing suicide, like how humans do by biting their tongues or drowning and all. Hmm...
- Ostrich Farm -
This farm owner (?) was giving talks in groups to the big crowds coming in
They were supposedly the biggest Ostrich Farm in Malaysia
He told us that not every egg hatches, and they only get around 1 egg every week
Whenever an egg is laid, they will shine a special torchlight at the egg. From there they will see if it is fertilized.
- If Yes, bring to incubator and try to keep it in optimal conditions to hatch
- If No, the eggs will be broken apart (skill required!). Contents will be sold as omelettes and the shell decorated to sell as ornaments such as light bulbs and decorations
Surprisingly, the average ostrich egg is able to withstand weights of >100kg!
He dared and invited us to try standing on the one in front of him lodged in the sand
Seeing that nobody came up, he stood on it himself and warned us not to jump on it, as that would definitely crack it
He then offered to open the egg NOW to make omelette for us (1 egg = 8 plates!) @ RM8 per plate. And asked us to place order, first come first served only for the 1st 8 interested parties.
We got one to try. YUMMEH!
The way they opened the egg was very interesting.A drill (!) was used to crack a tiny hole at the tip of the egg. It's the reversed to let it slowly flow out into a huge bowl
While waiting for the omelette to be cooked, we walked around the ostrich farm
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| No idea what is this, but it's the only one amongst the ostriches |
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| Front view of it |
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| Reminds you of chocobos? |
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| Le heh |
Eggshell lamps, Eggshell Ornaments, Ostrich Ointments, Ostrich Facial stuff (!), Ostrich Tonics, Ostrich blah blah blah
For the health of my parents, I bought this:
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| Essence of Ostrich |
Supposedly it gives you enough energy and concentration to last you for at least 8hrs! (sales talk I believe)
Taxi uncle then brought us to a highly recommended restaurant! (we asked the Bus Guide, Hotel Receptionist and the Taxi uncle, all recommended this)
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| Food was so good we gobbled it up before pics were taken ._. |
So we had Orr Lua, Steamed Red Garoupa in Teo Chew Style, Prawn Paste Chicken and Pai Gu Wang
The Orr Lua was SHO FRIGGING GEWD we ordered a 2nd plate
Philip doesn't take fish coz of (surprise surprise) bones issue in the past, so I digged some boneless portions for him
Further down the road in the drizzling rain, we went to a Pastry Shop that's famous too!
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| MY FAVOURITE PASTRY! |
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| Pandan & Normal flavoured Tau Sa Piah, and Sakima Biscuit |
At the shop, I was directly beside her saying stuff like... Wah I smell it! Wah they make it fresh here! Wah so many there I'm gonna buy 3 bags eat till song!
I even moved the 3 bags in front of her face to put at the Cashier counter, but I guess she's too busy sampling the Tau Sa Piah to notice what's going on
So KH being KH, he decided to be paikia and...
KH: Henry, wah smell damn nice leh. Sell me 1 pack leh
Henry: Mai, buey gian. I told your gf about it liao but she ignore me. Too bad :P
*KH fakes spits into 1 pack several times
KH: Wah, see now all kena already, now want to sell me or not, I offer half price
Henry: !!!!!
Suddenly, Philip started to panic. SHIT SHIT SHIT! OH SHIT! FUCK LA! OMG!
We all *_* at him.
Apparently he dropped his phone in the taxi, and Taxi Uncle already left (probably back home by now)
YF called him and the Taxi Uncle said he found the phone, and would drive back to return it
A very relieved Philip went down to wait for him with an appreciative Ang Bao
I wanted to drag them out to swim, but we had already thrown away the wrist sticker. YF was afraid without the sticker we chased out of the pool. So KH and YF went to sleep ._.
Me and Philip watched some National Geographic and Dog Whisperer before taking a nap too. I woke up to my alarm, and luckily I did. Else everyone would've probably slept till midnight or the next day ._.
I woke Philip up and we decided to revenge on KH
Taking turns, we played Techno Music full blast and positioned our phone's speakers' at the seam of KH & YF's room.
To our dismay, after 15min of blasting Techno, still no response ._.
WAH LAU EH, REVENGE FAILED T_T
We left the music on and after another 15min, seeing that still no response, we resorted to shouting at them to wake up. If we didn't do that we would've missed dinner completely. YF woke and mumbled that KH is still asleep despite all the noise
We went down for dinner after another 30min for them to sober up
- Dinner -
We sat at our usual table and had 1 round of everything, as usual the food sucked
There is however, satay today as well! Le yay!
KH and I took turns to get Satays on behalf of the other 2, but we cleared whatever we took very fast
The chicken and mutton both tastes AWW SHO GEWD
After a few rounds, I mused about how many sticks we had to eat to cover the cost we paid for this buffet
Since the buffet was around RM80 and assuming 1 stick is RM1, we had to finish 80 sticks EACH!
I then issued a challenge to them and wack purely satay only
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| Challenge Accepted! |
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| Cheers! |
KH and I took turns to be paikia at the Satay station...
Scenario 1
The 2 satay making guys gathers the aromatic crispy satays 1-by-1, a dozen in each hand.
They turn around and walk a few steps to the tray and lay them for guests to take
They walk back to their Satay stations and turn around... HUH? WHERE ARE THE SATAYS?! I JUST PUT THEM THERE A FEW SECONDS AGO!!
Scenario 2
*Random Jane Doe at the satay station
- *Le hmm, which one should I take?
- *Hmm... This one looks too fatty
- *Takes another one up, aiyo this one abit chao tah
- *Hmm... This one doesn't look very nice...
*Henry waits impatiently behind for a minute, but still none was chosen
*Henry swoops in and takes ALL OF THEM
- My reason for doing that?
- If you can't decide, wait for the next batch lah dei!
This is the aftermath, after we had our fill of satays...
This is the aftermath, after we had our fill of satays...
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| 146 sticks! |
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| Does it look more if I lay them out like this? |
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| Or if I bundle them up like this? |
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| Ho eh! Good stuff |
Went to the souvenier/mamashop but they do not sell candles
I then asked the Cafe cashier and asked for some. They were able to give FOC but asked me how many I needed.
I panicked and blurted out: "Can I have 35 candles please? My friend is 35 and I want to cover the entire cake with candles". Yah lame excuse I know ._.
Sadly, he said he couldn't give me that much, and I would have to buy from them. He called up his manager and they charged me freaking RM8 for them. What bloodsuckers zzz
I tried to find a spot at the beach far away from the Cafe and Outdoor Pub, in case someone catch us for trying to start a fire LOL!
Sadly, it started to rain and I was unable to get my stuff hot enough to work
LE SAD! I haven't played that trick since 1999 ._.
We went back to the Hotel and continued watching TV before sleeping
I also scolded KH coz he kept coming to our toilet to shit/pee/whatever!
They had their own toilet and YF wasn't even using it when he came to ours on every occasion!
He purposely tried to make our toilet smelly lah wah lau
- Day 3 -
Woke up and packed, only took awhile as I already packed the night before.
YF took a long time to pack while the rest of us just nua there watch TV
We had our breakfast with our coupons again, and realized...
Hey for the past 3 days we've been sitting on the SAME table every meal we had there! It's kinda like OUR TABLE already!
Kinda reminds you of the Sofa in FRIENDS, the Booth in How I Met Your Mother, and the Table in The Big Bang Theory =x
Ate hastily and we went to the Receptionist to wait for our bus
YF asked the counter and heard more bad news!
- They do not have enough buses (broke down?). So the agent will get their guy to drive us to the Ferry using his van
- The Ferry is still broken! So instead of Ferry we're going back by BUM BOAT
That's right! I can hear it already! The *duk duk duk duk duk sound.
We got ripped off lah! We paid for Ferry Price (which is more expensive than Bus), and we came here via Bus and back via Bumboat!
But there's nothing we can do about it, feedback/complain also no use
Let's say I insist to go back via ferry, maybe they'll say... Ok lor the ferry will be fixed next week, I'll send you back via Ferry next week then. What can you do?
I've checked against our Travel Insurance, delays/broken promises are not covered );
So ok nvm we wait, but wait wait wait, no bus came and more and more people started to gather
We also didn't know for sure whether we're going back via bus/van to the Ferry/SG direct. Really no idea
Furthermore the Transport guy seemed very overwhelmed.
It was already 30min past assembly time, and no bus can be seen. He kept talking to his colleague about "some not here yet"
Impatient people started to grumble, and the atmosphere got tense
Finally, one auntie couldn't take it and started shouting and screaming at the Hotel Receptionist and Transport guy.
Apparently, some idiots are having their lunch at the cafe while all of us here obediently gathered on time to wait, and the delay is because we're waiting for those idiots!
The transport guy kept calling those people for 1hr+, but no answer.
Crowd got rowdy, and started to shout (especially the Auntie) and yell for them to just leave these people and just go
At one point she ran up one of the parked buses and kept pressing the horn (eventually stopped by the driver)
As if those people can hear lor, the Cafe is quite a distance walk away
Myself and KH walked over to hear more about the commotion, then she turned around to scold us!
Dei! We're victims just like you ok! Know who you're talking to before you scold zzz
In the end, batch by batch people were called up to the buses, and we were amongst the last.
Turned out we were the ones whom will go via Van. But even when in the van, we were still waiting for those idiots (already 2hrs+ wait)
FINALLY, A PRC COUPLE CAME UP THE VAN.
SO THESE ARE THE CULPRITS!!
The other people on the van kept quiet and just closed their eyes, cbf-ed.
I displayed my discontent by loudly complaining about those inconsiderate idiots whom had to cheek to eat lunch AFTER assembly time and made everybody wait for hours, and various other sarcasm.
Philip and YF indulged me and replied loudly too haha
Summary
My FIRST overseas Leisure Trip was kinda sucky ._.
Hope the next will be better!
